We all understand the importance of a good digestive system. It is the process that breaks down the food we eat and distributes nutrients throughout our body to provide sustenance and energy. Our bodies can tell the difference between good and bad bacteria and will eliminate all unnecessary waste. Over 65% of the body’s immune system rests in the digestive track, so keeping it moving and healthy keeps US moving and healthy.
So, why this biology lesson today? Because we have all heard the expression ‘trust your gut’ when it comes to relationships, and I think the two ‘systems’ have quite a lot in common.
When we first meet someone, there is a lot of information to ‘digest’ about that person. This process is called dating. Many of us look at dating as just a fun time to be had, or a means to an end, when it should be viewed as the technique to sort out the good and the bad. By bad, I don’t necessarily mean a dreadful or lousy partner, just not someone who flows well with you and your lifestyle. Once you recognize they are not a good fit, they should be ‘eliminated’ from your life. This is the best decision to benefit both parties. The problem comes when we meet someone who we really want to fit into that good category whether they do or not. So much so, that we ignore the little pains and discomfort that flare up. When we choose to ignore the warning signs, we are setting ourselves up for some major complications down the road.
Warning Sign #1 – Emotional Dysphagia. The medical term for difficult or painful swallowing is Dysphagia. This can happen in your relationship when your partner says something or exhibits behavior that is hard to accept or buy into. Believing in your partner should not be hard. Their reasons for working late should make sense. Their social media activity should be appropriate and out in the open. Look out for signs of personal or professional immaturity; either with finances, careers or even the ability to take care of themselves. If your doubt radar is going off, please listen to it. Your partner doesn’t have to be your clone, but there should be shared ideals, belief systems and the same commitment goals. Use wisdom to determine the strength and credibility of their character. Do not fall for a pretty line from a pretty face. Truth and integrity are quite easy to swallow.
Warning Sign #2 – Loyalty Intolerance. Being lactose intolerant involves a condition where the body is unable to handle the sugar found in milk. Sometimes we choose a partner who is intolerant (or cannot handle) the life we have dared to make for ourselves before they arrived. These individuals are controlling and manipulative. They isolate you from friends and even family. They are skilled at convincing you their ways are better and you should just follow them. They are not open to new ideas or strategies. They may be rigid, demanding and pushy while rejecting your input. They question your decisions, and subtly create insecurities regarding your lifestyle choices or even dreams and goals. A new partner should be able to integrate smoothly into your existing world. Of course, there are compromises, and they could even introduce a new habit or activity that enhances your life, but a healthy relationship will never cut you off from the positive influences you have cultivated for yourself. Never let an intolerant person occupy space in your heart.
Warning Sign #3 – Irritable Behavior Syndrome. Some people live perpetually on the wrong side of the bed; meaning they are cranky and ill-mannered all the time. Negative people see themselves as victims and life is just a series of ‘why me’ moments. They are pros at blaming circumstances, and even other people (maybe you?) for all the unfortunate events in their life. Aligning romantically with this type of individual is setting yourself up for a life time of resistance, rejection and arguments. This person is hard to please and typically unenthusiastic about the world in general. Life is too short to constantly convince another that their emotional glass does not have a leak and will remain full as long as they pour in positive energy.
On a side note, and in conjunction with all of the other warning signs, this particular term could also be used to say………… I(am so done with the)BS.
My Hopefuls, today, I want to stress the importance of listening to your gut. It will not lie to you. Our hearts will often create illusions we desperately want to believe but are not always accurate. We need to be willing to heed the warning signs. We also need to accept when people show their character and intentions. There is a timely quote that says people tell us who they are every day. The key is to listen and believe them.
Just like it takes the right nutrition for our bodies to operate at full capacity, a healthy relationship is a delicate balancing act. Putting in the right ingredients and eliminating the wrong ones, will create a long lasting intimacy free flowing with love.
Hope With Abandon