When I was younger, getting a date was easy. I wasn’t easy, but finding a date was. They may not have all been stellar evenings at the ball with Prince Charming, but all in all, I could hold my own. Over the years, the field has thinned out (while I have not) so now it can be a little more challenging. With all the dating apps, swiping right and questionnaires that make me doubt compatibility with my own self, it feels like a job to find someone to date. Then, all of a sudden, it fell into place for me and I knew what I needed to do. So I developed my very own Dating App(lication)!
As it turns out, there is quite a lot of information found on a job application that is also quite useful when weeding out potential suitors. By utilizing this dating application I intend to be able to sort through a list of variables and come up with a select group of candidates who fulfill my love requirements! So what, do you ask, is on my dating application?? Here are the highlights.
Name – Of course, this is never really difficult to get, but you have to start somewhere, right?
Address – This should not be their buddy’s couch, parent’s basement or the Motel 6 down the street.
Age – I understand everyone has their personal preferences, but I like to keep it +/- 5 years. (I could possibly be persuaded to go -10 years for the right one….)
Do you have reliable transportation – Did I ever tell you the story of the guy that had his 80-year-old father bring him to, and pick him up, from our date? Uber doesn’t count either; that is too close to a threesome… and that’s not gonna happen.
Date Available To Start – Now this is my personal favorite! If you are not over your ex, do not ask me for a date. I do not wish to be your therapist or your rebound. And if you are not even divorced yet, while I sympathize with your position, you have to finish one chapter before starting another.
Are you available for overtime/weekend work – You would be surprised at how limited some people’s schedules are. I’m not even sure why they think they have time to go on another date. If they have to pencil me in weeks in advance, I’ll forget to show up. (I’ve actually done that.)
Position Applying For – This is important, and hopefully one they put some thought into. I don’t need a Chief Cook and Bottle Washer, but not looking for a Professional Time Waster or Manager of Mischief either.
Previous Experience - Here is the section I want to know a little about, but not too much. We all have a past. I do not need to relive yours. I just to need to confirm you actually have been around a woman before today. Length of stay is important to consider. Do you bail after the orientation when things start to get real?
Reason for Leaving – Again, gory details are not required. But if you were forcibly removed or just failed to show up one day; either will land you in the rejected pile.
Special Skills – Well, because it is always good to have special skills. This is where he provides a list of characteristics and abilities that create enthusiasm and excitement on my part.
Expectations – What are you looking for? Casual Dating? Friends With Benefits? Long Term Relationship? Be honest and upfront about what your intentions are. If we are not on the same page, there is no need to proceed to the interview phase.
And last, but not least….References – Now this is a tricky one, even in real job applications. Who is going to provide the name of anyone unless they are sure to give a glowing recommendation? But these absolutely do not count….Your mother. Your mother’s bridge club. Your mother’s hairstylist. Your hair stylist. (The idea you even have a hair stylist bumps you down three spots.) The mailman. The bartender at the corner bar. (Or anyone else on the corner.) I may decide to leave this one off the form. I’m not good with trusting what other people say. I prefer to make my own assessment. If all the other fields are answered to my satisfaction, I will have to trust my instincts.
You know my friends, I wrote this in jest, but there is a small part of me that wonders if it would not actually work in some fashion or form. It is all basic necessary information and it sure would be great to have it handy and available up front. I know, it’s not practical and some could even say cold and unfeeling. Where’s the adventure? Where’s the wonder? Where’s the intrigue? I’m actually tired of all the‘wonder’; you know….. the ‘wonder when this date is going to end so I can go home and get back to my Netflix.’
I try not to be cynical; it’s unattractive. And I am completely willing to provide the same information in return. In fact, maybe I should do a his/her version. Would any of the questions be different? Hmm, maybe another blog to consider.
At the end of the day, it truly should not feel like a job interview or work release program to find someone compatible. However, I have learned, often the hard way, that details and history are important. We all need to do our homework and be diligent about who we let into our lives. Communicate honestly from the start and learn to ask good questions. Their favorite color is not important. Their views on compromise, adventure styles and how they set the thermostat are!
Happy Job (I mean Date) Hunting!
Hope With Abandon!