Raise your hand if you would buy one! I sure would. I’m actually surprised they don’t have an infomercial airing at 3 am showing a wild-eyed woman with frazzled hair sitting in front on a computer trying to sell them. A magical metal instrument that would untangle and translate words from a dating profile. A profile that supposedly was designed to entice and thrill us. And usually, just confuse and dismay us. I was discussing this subject with friends over the weekend. The crazy things people choose to say and share on their profile. It’s ironic to me how in an attempt to put their best foot forward, so many people end up putting it somewhere else. And truthfully revealing things they never intended. I believe there are some distinct patterns and red flags sprinkled throughout certain profiles. I am sharing a few of my observations hoping if we are careful and mindful, we can avoid wasting time.
As a disclaimer, let me just stay up front, that as with all my posts and writings, these are my opinions and personal experiences. I do not claim to have insider knowledge or expert findings. I am sure that every person who may say one or more of these things do not all have the same intent. I would simply suggest caution until you can determine for yourself.
Since I have more experience reading men’s profiles; I’ll start there.
“Looking For Fun” Most of the time this does not mean going to the movies or playing putt-putt. Simply put, they want sex. It just sounds less abrasive to say they are looking for fun. Most of us are looking for fun or we wouldn’t be online in the first place; so we can easily get pulled into their play on words. Just know when this appears first in the profile where the direction of the conversation may be heading.
“Open Minded” This is closely tied to ‘looking for fun’. Being opened minded or looking for someone open minded, again, sounds like a good thing. Keeping options open. Not stuck in a routine. However, most of the time, this phrase is used to describe a sort of sexual freedom. Either they are in a relationship and want to play on the side. Or they are ok if YOU are in a relationship and want to play on the side. Or they just simply want to play on the kinkier side. I will submit no judgments; just ask the right questions before proceeding too far here.
“Wanted: Good Hearted Woman” This poor guy has been hurt. I am not suggesting he isn’t ready to try again, but the wounds are fresh. He is saying right up front that he needs someone gentle and easy on his heart and ego; a tender and patient partner. He may be a great guy, just know he might still be healing.
“Friendship First” Unless you are on an arranged marriage site; no sane person expects the first date to end in a relationship. But the idea IS to date; not find a walking buddy. This guy is not looking for a relationship and is shoring up his position that he just wants to hang out and coast along. There are so many girls out there ready to run full speed ahead that he feels it necessary to put the brakes on before starting the engine. Again, he may be lovely and sincere, just don’t get your hopes up if you are looking for more.
“Takes Care of Herself” This does not mean eating more fruits and vegetables and avoiding saturated fats. This is about appearance. I know looks are important. To everyone. And we all have the right to our preferences and tastes. But this guy has a specific look he likes. He spends a lot of time on himself and his look and he wants his girl to do the same. Which is fine. Just know going in what is expected of you.
“No Drama” This guy will not want to share his feelings with you. He has probably been with someone who forced fed him conversations and arguments and manipulations. Like the good-hearted guy, he most likely felt trapped and couldn’t wait to be free again. He wants stress free and chill happy moments. If you like things stirred up, leave this guy alone in peace.
“No Baggage” Unless he is looking to date an alien or socially awkward hermit, everyone our age has baggage. It may be a cute carry-on that can fit under the seat or a large trunk with reinforced steel, but we never leave a relationship without some emotional sediment clinging to our heart. Now we can’t hand this baggage on to the next person and expect them to carry it around for us. We have to handle it ourselves. But if the next guy isn’t willing to take you as you are, send him on his way.
“Never Married/No Kids” If he has reached the age of 50 and has never gotten married or raised kids, then there are certain personality traits that could be missing from his emotional repertoire. Marriage, even the bad ones, teaches compromise and flexibility. Raising children teaches sacrifice and priorities. If all he has ever had to worry about is himself, then probably all he will ever worry about is himself. (Again, I do not suggest this applies to everyone. However, I do believe it is worth mentioning.)
And finally…. if they don’t take the time to write anything at all then they are not serious. They are just hoping for something to fall in their lap. (Which may or may not happen when you are around.) Things that fall easily into ones lap can easily slip off again. Don’t bother.
Now I will spend a few minutes on the woman’s side. As a note, I do NOT have any of these in my profile. (At least not now.)
“Must have…. Must be able to…. Must”….It appears that many women start off their profiles with a list of must haves. It is good to have standards. One cannot date below them if they don’t have them. But compiling a daunting list of requirements before you even say hello can make a guy weary. Like he knows he will never live up to it all before he even starts. (And don’t list all the crimes of the ex. Bitterness is not pretty.)
“Be Financially Secure” While it is understandable that a woman does not want to take a man to raise and support, this statement tends to lean towards a more materialistic view. She wants him to have money. Maybe even some for her. Plus it is very subjective. One person’s definition can mean having enough on the debit card for the Zaxby’s drive-thru.
“Wanted: Tall Knight In Shining Armor” First of all, they make shining armor in short and medium too, so let’s not discriminate. Girls don’t like it when guys ask for a specific desired physical attribute. We shouldn’t do it either. Besides, referencing a character from a fairy tale is not the way to attract a guy. At least not a normal one.
So I’m not sure if I helped or not. I guess it is unfair to try and determine someone’s intentions. But when looking to meet someone online, you only have a few sentences to gain enough information to decide if you want to spend your valuable time pursuing more. Unfortunately, there really isn’t a magical decoder ring issued with a dating profile membership. Be smart. Trust your gut. Don’t see things that aren’t there, no matter how much you want them to be there. Don’t Give Up….but Don’t Give In!